I always had a hard time, when I was growing up, relating to other people my own age. Then, around the time I got into high school, I only had a hard time relating other girls my own age. I wasn't snobbish or distant towards other girls, and I didn't prefer hanging out with only guys because I was trying to get closer to them for dating opportunities, as some girls assumed. It's just that I was at my most comfortable around guys. My sense of humor, though not based on fart jokes, is more masculine. My way of speaking is more direct. My tastes tend to run towards things that guys like, too, like science fiction, kung fu movies, and comic books.
That's not to say I also don't like "girl" things. I like them especially now that I'm older. Pretty clothes, makeup, shoes, Jane Austen novels, cupcakes... It's just that, when I was younger, I was more at ease with men than with women.
I realize now that I've kind of handicapped myself, however. My three best female friends are all more or less like me. They're also older women, which I think makes a huge difference. We don't get together and talk about our weight or gossip about what each other is doing. We talk about... well, everything else. They have a wisdom and calmness that I crave, being at the tail end of what is likely the most anxious decade anybody ever goes through. (Seriously. Twenties. Yuck.)
But I kind of wish I had closer female friends my own age as well. Not at the expense of the three best female friends I have, just in addition to them. I've met a few, and I want to be closer to them, but I don't really know how to go about doing that. My friendships all develop organically, and age never really entered into the equation. It wasn't until years after I'd grown to love and trust my friends that I realized all of them had over a decade on me in age. And it never bothered me. I kind of liked it.
But these three other women I'm thinking of who are closer to my own age are all really nice. And I think that, if That Guy and I eventually get married and start having a family, these women will likely be starting the same thing (two are already married, and one is likely to be in another couple of years). It'd be nice to have women to share these experiences with mutually.
I guess this might be the first time in my life I actually have to work for a friendship. Normally I have to work to maintain one, but setting one up seems harder. That Guy tells me that I'm already friends with at least two of these women, but I don't know. I feel a little insecure about it. It doesn't help that I'm not really able to spend time with them outside of my time with That Guy. (I met both of them through him; they're married to or dating friends of his.) I feel like female friendships need to exist separately from relationships with other people. That Guy is "friends with" everybody in his circle, including people he doesn't really know that well. They're all friends by association. Is that a guy thing? I have all kinds of classifications for people I know. Coworkers, acquaintances, buddies, friends, close friends, BEST friends.
Anyway. Something to think about on a chilly Sunday morning before Mass. Maybe I'll pray about it today.
Later, gators.
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